When I was a young girl I was known in my family as the
stool pigeon. They used to call me by many slang names as well; betrayer,
canary, deep throat, fink, informant, nark, rat, rat fink, snitch, squealer,
stoolie, tattletale, blabbermouth, whistle-blower and even spy. You see my siblings knew that I could not be
trusted to hold any secret attached to our many childhood crimes. The reason
was simple and little did I understand then that this would save me many times
later in my life.
My mother had this very simple rule in our home. If she
found out about something and she asked you to tell the truth she would be more
lenient with her discipline or sometimes beating if you confessed rather than
if you denied it and somehow we all knew she would eventually find out the
story without our confession anyways. Now my mother was like many of the
mothers I knew and she had an uncanny way of finding out the truth like she was
a secret FBI agent with resources worldwide. I don’t really know if it was my conscience,
fear or just wisdom but I found that when I agreed with my mother and asked for
forgiveness for what I did and just received the correction even if it meant a
lashing, it usually was never as bad as what she would do to my siblings.
Now my brothers and my sister om the other hand had one
simple rule- Lie, then deny, deny, deny. I am telling you, my mother would lay
out exactly what we had done play by play and my siblings would deny that they
were ever involved, even after she had gotten a full confession out of me. Now
I only could tell my mother what I had done because my siblings never let me be
involved in the fullness of the crime. You know how when the bank robbers are
robbing a bank, there is this one person who sits outside in the getaway car?
That was me. I was involved with our shenanigans but they never, ever let me
know the details of what was actually done. They knew I would crack under the
pressure of my mother’s voice asking me to tell her the truth. So the less I
knew the better it was. Then I could only confess to the crime that I had committed
which was usually small and didn’t always implicate guilt for my siblings.
Like the time my siblings broke into my mother’s room and
stole some of her precious stash of special herbs. My mother trusted me so I
was made the keeper of the key when she was not home and there was no way they
could have gotten into her room without me. They tricked me by telling me that
they needed to put something back into the room and that if I would open the
door then they would pay me in candy. Well my mother was not fooled and after
only a few minutes of grilling me I squealed like fast tires coming down the
street. I had opened the door for them, I was guilty. Later my brothers gave me
a good beating for snitching.
In my preteen years I did attempt one solo crime that I will
never forget because it became legendary gossip in our family from that day
forward. Once I stole a $100 bill from my mother’s purse to buy a new pair of
white ice skates. All the children at school had a pair and I wanted to go ice
skating with them. My brothers had done this misdemeanor many times and they
never got in trouble because my mother could never tell who had done it. And of
course they would never confess. Well after I took the money my mother was
cussing and screaming at my brothers to give her back her rent stash and the
guilt took me so bad that I cleaned that whole house till it was shining. My
mother knew something was up but before she could even come and ask me I
confessed and gave her back the money crying and begging for her not to whip
me. My siblings teased me about this
all of my life. They were so ashamed of me. I was a disgrace to the family
delinquency.
Fast forward a couple years and this is how I would come to realize
the full impact of what my mother had taught me by allowing me to confess to my
part in my treachery with my family. I began to notice that anytime I did
anything wrong or temptation was at my door that I would find someone of
importance to confess to. I would tell on myself so that there would be no way
I could follow through with the actual act or any future acts of similarity.
Let me give you a few examples. Now please as you read on be careful not to
judge me for the thoughts or decisions that I made that may seem like colossal mistakes
to you. What is it they say "You never
really know what you will do till you walk a mile in someone else`s shoes".
Please note that all names are fiction as to protect the
fellow collaborators identities.
Now Sharon, Tina and I would be talking, ok more like
gossiping about Mary and what we felt she should do. I would feel badly that I
participated in this act as Mary was a close friend but rather than just
privately confess in the confession booth at church to an unseen priest. I
would take it upon myself to go and tell Mary that I had participated in this act
of treason. Now true to what I had done with my siblings I wouldn’t give any
other names as I asked Mary to please forgive me for this indiscretion. Well
you think it would just end there. But in true fashion to gossipers, Tina would
be talking to Mary and begin to gossip about what I had said about Mary, trying
to stir up trouble and disunity. Now Mary would realize who the true friend was
as she first hand witnessed one of the other culprits participating in the act
that I had privately confessed to 3 months prior. I was safe, but Tina and
Sharon on the other hand are no longer friends with Mary.
Another example that could have completely backfired on me was
early in our marriage my husband had a close friend who made a pass at me once
and I asked him to please tell my
husband what had occurred as I knew he had just made a wrong judgement and I
may have even led him on unintentionally. He chose not to take this way of
escape, so rather than letting this jeopardize my marriage I told my best
friend right away and my husband when he returned home from a business trip. We
would later discover that this friend was having numerous affairs on his wife,
but due to the way I handled it I was not among the list of victims.
It gets even better… years later after coming into
relationship with God the Father, Jesus the Son and Holy Spirit my best friend.
I practice a truth that lines up with my mother’s teachings and my new found
faith. In 1 John 1:9 (Voice) it says But if we own up to our sins, God shows that
He is faithful and just by forgiving us of our sins and purifying us from the
pollution of all the bad things we have done. .
I had somehow learned the art of confession, the power of
forgiveness and the beauty of grace all beginning from how my mother handled
her children’s shortcomings and mischievous deeds.
I also understood and fully embraced 1 Corinthians 10:13
(Voice) where it states Any temptation you face will be nothing new.
But God is faithful, and He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can handle.
But He always provides a way of escape so that you will be able to endure and
keep moving forward.
I have learned that my thoughts can lead to my beliefs and my
beliefs can lead to my actions but all of these must line up with what God says
is truth. By the power and conviction of the Holy Spirit I can stop myself
anywhere before the action or even afterward by confessing my error. God by His
sons sacrifice forgives me and my consequence or discipline is always less when
I confess my indiscretions. When I acknowledge my wrongdoing in any situation I
stand a much better chance of being acquitted by the only One whose judgement
truly counts. He also works out the
situation for my good.
So take it from a stool pigeon, better to have others think
badly about you than for you to sear your conscience and to go down the path of
destruction. My encouragement to those of you that are like my siblings and are
choosing to live a life of Lie and Deny, in truth you are only harming
yourself, because the consequences are not the worst thing that can happen to
you, the result of this type of living is separation from Truth. Over a period
of time you will be unable to discern between what is truth and what isn’t. The
lies become so numerous that you cannot unravel them. Others will be unable to
trust you or your motives.
Now please do not mistake me, I am nowhere near sainthood
because I confess my sins. But my slate is cleaned every time I do. So here are
5 tips that can help you to begin again as if those things never happened.
1. Ask God to forgive you for your sins
2. Forgive yourself as you receive His forgiveness through
Jesus sacrifice
3.
Forgive others and judge them not
4.
Ask Holy Spirit to help you to stay sensitive to
truth
5.
Repeat this process daily
Excerpt from Where the Sunflower Grows by Charmaine Hinds
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