Tale of two marriages- "till death do us part"

I literally heard the story of two marriages and the death of two husbands in two days.

I encountered an old acquaintance that I knew long ago in a church I used to attend. She quickly told me the story of how her husband had just died. In the process of her sharing she asked me if I had known they were divorced as if she felt everyone somehow knew this information. Considering I hadn’t seen or spoke to her for over 16 years I found this question/statement a bit odd. As she told me the story of the breakdown and demise of her marriage with this man I once knew, in truth I have to say I was silent and could only listen. She then shared how he had moved away to another city away from his family and that he had a heart attack in his small apartment all alone and after no one had heard from him for a few days- she had gone to his apartment and found him dead. She had a funeral for him the previous week and as she communicated this sad story to me I could feel and sense the regret and sorrow she was experiencing over the path and outcome of her marriage to this man during her season of grief. She told me that if they had still been together that he would have never died like that- alone and forgotten.

Then I attended a funeral the next day of a good friends father. I listened intently as this man's daughter did the most amazing eulogy with her 5 adult siblings lovingly standing beside her for moral support. Then as the service portion was closing the wife of the man that had passed away from a weakened heart condition shared the following words that I will never forget.

She shared her beautiful relationship with this man and why she was at such peace during all that had happened. She said that she had cared for her husband during the seven months of his palliative care at home with every last bit of love that she had to give to him. She gave him her everything during her last few months with him.
She said she had to do everything for him and it was as if he had gone from being her husband taking care of her to being like her child. She shared as everyone listening laughed out loud about how she had reassured him that when she had to leave him even for 15 minutes to go to the store that she wasn’t thinking about anyone else but him. Her heart was still fully his.
She did not seem resentful about having to do this in any way but quite the opposite, on her beautiful regal face there was a serene sense of peace and joy.
This man had his last days spent with what he treasured the most his family, they were all present when he took his last breath. He was surrounded with the treasures that he had invested in with all his life and they held him as he left this world and crossed over happily into eternity.
This marriage story made me cry and made my heart smile.

When I was pondering these two stories I was watching a Facebook post from a friend as he proposed to his girlfriend and future wife and it dawned on me the significance of these two tales of two marriages.

The investment to share your life with another is not just in the good times. Most wedding vows say something like “till death do us part”. This is a spiritual understanding that says that nothing but death can separate us. Marriage is forever. In a world and time where we have disposable promises and vows can easily be broken. Where honor and respect and love rarely ever intertwine, the covenant of marriage should result in the statement this woman that had been married to her best friend for so many years said, "I poured out all the love I had for him on him and in the end there was nothing more to give". She gave it all.

Wow! In an age where many men don’t honor or love their wives when they aren’t meeting their needs and some women are exerting their rights to be independent. When the fiber of marriage is being torn apart by the unraveling of a single interwoven thread, I received a message of “ till death do us part”.

I heard the message loud and clear and having gone through my share of difficulties in my own marriage through the 29 years, I renewed in my heart to love the man I made a covenant with 3 times ( we have renewed our vows twice) "till death us do part" no matter what the circumstance or situation. And most important to pour out all the love I have for him so in the end I can say "It is well with my soul"

If this story has impacted you like it impacted me then take a moment and pray for two marriages

today.

Black and Loud!

This is for the ones that say black people are so loud, they are vulgar, angry, aggressive, demanding and uncivilized. Why wont they assimilate and become more like us.

I am black and loud

Loud and proud

Yes, I have always been so emotional

Cause my cup ain’t  half empty, it’s a cup that’s full

A woman they say should remain silent

Yes massah, no massah your voice is not your own

Make sure you have permission to talk

Time to speak up- to speak the truth, your truth

Your history, your victory, your message

I be livin loud, livin large

I don’t whisper when I talk

I say it hard

 I don’t say it soft

If your dreams and tomorrow had been suppressed

If you had been cursed and found out you was blessed   

When you finally opened your mouth

I’m sure a scream would come out

The monster you made from an experiment gone bad

Now you wonder why we be so mad

You thought we’d stay broken, downcast and sad

Do I embarrass you with my shout from across the room

Why does what I do reflect back to you?

My laugh so out loud that it makes you uncomfortable

Seeing my sound makes you feel so vulnerable

The intensity of the energy I bring, into your life, into everything

My spirit is strong, rising up from where I belong

But wait, hold up …ain’t you black too?

You ask again, is that anger you hear when I speak?

Chile, maybe just the release of the warrior in me

No need to be in fear

My words are my weapon, lets make it clear

I have made the choice for you to hear my voice

My grammar ain’t off, my intellect intact

I know what I am doing, this be my method for fighting back

In the Silence much has happened, I have seen with my eyes

And the words within me lets out a cry

Saying here am I

Can you see me, feel me, my presence is undeniable

And what has been done has made you liable

My soul has been incarcerated for far too long

Tired of trying to prove I belong

I am created by the same Creator

They hate us because we are so loud

They love us because we are so proud

Loud and proud

Proud to be created with passion, fire, and courage  

Our voice makes a difference in the pilgrimage

As we state our case before the only Judge  

The stereotype made real

 Rappers, spoken word, singers, debaters, word creators

We are the original media masters, using our words so the message is loud

Don’t you love our sound? Vibrations trickling down

The drumbeat, the heartbeat this is our song

Am I disturbing your peace?

Just by being me

Or is that I am unafraid to say what’s on my mind

Seemingly unaware of the place or time

Allowing words to vibrate and ripple throughout the atmosphere

Without hesitation, without fear

I may look like just another angry black woman to you

 But this ain’t  true

Cause I choose to refuse to let myself remain abused

What you hear in my voice is my ancestors echoing what I say

So God can hear his child when she pray

Its time for a change

Amen! Hallelujah! Praise the Lord!

The words come from within and my brain forgets about etiquette,

The right spoon to use or correct place to sit

My mother’s tongue has created a sound

Resounding in my ears and coming to my mouth

I can’t hold it back so I release it out

Hear when I say I am black and loud

I am loud and proud!

Wooo!  WOW

Why Try?

Why Try?

The pain of the past keeps haunting me in my dreams and anxiety creeps into places unseen  The same mistakes keep happening though I have tried to change a thousand times

Why do I keep saying I am sorry…

Why do I keep seeing someone I am not, inauthentic, not the real me, the being created through the mask

Try again, start again, not again around the circle we go like a merry go round 

Seeing the same faces as we past the same markers once again, dizzy I want to get off, jump off but the rides not done yet. Paid for the ticket and so I spin.

Tired, just tired of the same ole same old.  

But the song says “a change is gonna come” Sam tell me when, I need to know when will it happen? If not today then when?  

This body can’t sustain this spirit that has been held back, beat down, and ready to emerge

So onward I surge, looking for my soul tribe that understands that I am more… than mortal flesh

One with the light within I shine on, lighter when the darkness overtakes the day

Feel the waves as I hold my head above water to breathe

You are there with me and so one more try, as I take baby steps forward 

Wobbly, I try to stand in the truth of your words and the facts of the mistakes

Again, I repent and make Teshuva

No one understands that the trauma of youth has covered and hidden the potential of a bright tomorrow

This dark cloud must go, calling on the wind to blow, blow over, for all flesh must die

And left in the flames of fire is just the truth and I   

The pain of the past keeps haunting me in my dreams and anxiety is creeping into places unseen. The same mistakes keep happening, though I have tried a thousand times.

Charmaine Hinds November 5, 2018

Black Tax

I recently watched an episode with Oprah where she has Trevor Noah on Super Soul to discuss his book "Born a Crime" and at one point in the discussion he mentioned a term that resonated with me. It was one of those terms you may have never heard before, but I could somehow tell what it meant because it so accurately described itself. The "Black Tax", as used by Trevor and many others relates to having to continue to pay for the historical sins of the past. Here is his example.

“Growing up with a black mum in apartheid South Africa gave me a very different experience. Simply put, a mixed child walking around with a black woman wasn’t something one saw every day and being her son was indeed a crime. My mum however, was determined that I didn’t feel such pressures and went out of her way to give me a life that truly started with a blank slate.”

The "Black Tax", is a term that has been used in America to mean paying more for things simply because one is black. Just a note, this doesn't always just refer to finances. 

This example I completely understand. I was born a mixed child from a black single mother in Jamaica that was third generation free slave. And the rest of my maternal heritage were slaves in Jamaica with the full African slave experience. My husband has the same situation and we determined to stand in the gap and pay the “black tax” for our children as well. We coined the term “Firstlings” to describe our situation for payment of the black tax. We were the first in our families to accomplish many things. We unfortunately did not have the privilege of climbing on the steps that were created before us by parents and grandparents. This has greatly shifted our educational, social, spiritual, economical and fundamental status. We should have been able to at the minimum begin life at ground zero and work our way up like most other people.

In truth and actuality, the "Black Tax" over the years has been compounded, and we felt like we began at a deficit minus 100. This is the privilege that we are given for being born into a history of colonial oppression, curses to our family line and injustice that has never been fully addressed. 

My husband and myself have used our opportunities and finances to bring our family back up to zero, because the generations who came before us have been raped, robbed and pillaged.

We are the pioneers who made it out of the “ghetto” or “Egypt” and have not truly been able to enjoy the spoils. We have been trying to get “Egypt” out of us and get our children into the promised land. 

 As pioneers from a black family we have had to spend prayers, time, money, and resources ensuring that our loved ones live a "regular" life. This has been a hard journey and an experience that we corporately share with many other black people in Canada, America, South Africa and other places that have suffered from systemic racism. 

Imagine this scenario; you are playing a board game and every time you pass “Go” instead for getting $200 like the other players you somehow get the snakes and ladder experience and have to begin all over again.

I end sharing a quote from Trever Noah that explains many of the effects of the “Black Tax” and “Privilege”. 

“If you think of it like this — you know a lot of the time when you hear people having conversations about white privilege, male privilege and so on, I think sometimes what gets lost is with the word “privilege” comes the connotation of having a good time. You know, people go, “What privilege? I may be a white man but I’m poor. I may be a white man but I’m suffering.” And that is completely true. And sometimes I go, “Maybe in the labeling, it’s almost like it could have gone the other way and it’s like, is it a black disadvantage? Or is it a female disadvantage?” Because we cannot deny that there are certain handicaps that come with these certain labels you know that exist. If you look at the effects of what you’ve lived through in your life, you cannot deny that they compound. You cannot deny that they grow over time. So people who say things like, “Get over it, slavery’s done” or “Get over it, apartheid is over,” then I go, “You cannot get over it because it ending is merely the beginning of your journey.” And so, you think of it like this—in my family, I was the first person in my family who was allowed to go to a white school or a school that was considered white. My grandparents were not taught the things that other people’s grandparents were taught if they were white in the country. And so now, even if we’re not talking about financial inheritance, we’re talking about now educational inheritance. My grandfather and grandmother couldn’t bequeath to me an education that they would have learned because they didn’t get it. My mother, self-taught for many things. She was lucky in that she encountered a missionary and that’s where she learned things that the government wasn’t teaching to many black people. So, there you see someone equalizing or get her back to zero, which is where everyone should be able to start from.”

My prayer will be that as we continue to have conversations such as this one in mainstream that the ears and hearts of all involved will begin to deal with the truth around the feelings that we have so long ignored and pretended that they don’t exist.

Permission Granted

I don’t need your permission so why do I seek your consent?

Do I still need your acceptance just so my soul can be content?

When your clearance of my actions won’t give me an endorsement

My heavenly blessing has been sanctioned by the power of agreement 

You can’t authorize, deputize, legitimatize, anything I am called to do

This will be the very last day that I bow down and seek permission from you

There is no stamp of approval needed to make me seem more real

For there is one who crowned my head and upon me is His seal

Fearfully and wonderfully free to be what He has called me to be

Nothing others have said and done can take this truth of my destiny

So I remove the power of authority that I continue to give away

Walking strong in my design without apology every day

That outrageous lie that I must submit and remember the days of slavery

Where I was bound by chains that denied the very Creator inside of me

I am proud! I say it loud! To every crowd!

I AM Me!

So I take back my banner request for you to tell me it’s ok

The only voice that really matters is the one when I pray

He says… Be who you were called to be

Do the things you were called to do

Live the life you were meant to live

Just align with my design, stay in time, and remember you are mine

And please stop asking for continual permission.

Amen  Charmaine Hinds 

No Kink in My Hair



Growing up in Jamaica

No kink in my hair, mine was a Lions mane                                                                                                Long, thick, dark, curly hair -With oh so much texture

To be cursed as a young girl with dry, colored red by the sun locks
Too thick to tame , this was my lot in life
Hours of brushing and combing as I winced in pain
Never dare to move or else the back side of the comb would be felt on your scalp
Ouch! To be punished because of my hair
I began to hate it and want hers
Longing for her white hair, straight hair, long smooth hair, blown by the wind perfect hair
Mine was big, thick and poofy, long and heavy and hot
No pony tail could hold it, so I cut it short but an afro did not suit me
So it began, hot heat, chemicals, straightening, then finally it laid down flat and didn’t get back up
Everyone noticed and told me how pretty I looked
Confirming that before I was not
I solidified the lie in my frontal cortex and accepted that God does make mistakes
This new hair matched my hazel eyes and carmel skin
This was the hair I was meant to have

But it wasn’t mine…
So the journey began back to my roots, back to my heritage, back to loving me
Every morning I looked in the mirror at my lions mane with no clips holding it down
No heat to damage it, no chemicals to take away what was natural
I thanked God for what he had given to me and how He had made me
And a little bit of my identity returned everyday
I became glad again to be me
Happy that I had a head full of thick, long, beautiful. Glory colored highlights from the sun
How my hair began to compliment not only my eyes and my skin color, but also my journey
I twisted it, let the wind blow through it as it dried naturally, allowing the thickness to surround the sides of my face like a crown
I carried the weight of not letting scissors chop off what God had given to me
I was Free to Be…Me!
Then I began to hear “ wow your hair is gorgeous”, “I love your hair”, “how do you do those braids?”, “I wish I could do my hair like that!” and “ you are so pretty”.
I flung my head back and walked like the lioness I knew I was. Letting my mane roar for me.

So whether you have a kink in your hair or a texture unlike another, express yourself however you like as long as you make sure it is not from a place of not loving you. You are fearfully and wonderfully created, so swing your locks, love your twists, pick out that Fro and don’t let your style hold you down. You are more than your hair, you are a lioness so go ahead and let the world hear your Roar!

 

Transition To Triumph

The world operates in cycles. The ocean has a tide that comes in and out and then repeats itself. The moon has a 30 day cycle. A year cycles through four seasons. Life even has a full cycle of birth to death. The length of each of these is varying under the constructs of time, but every full cycle allows a completion of sorts. Each part of the cycle offers something different that allows the entirety of the circle to be completed. A cycle, however long it may be, allows a process to unfold, to take what was and turn it into what is. Every part matters. It all comes together to complete the whole, and then it happens again... allowing for progression, even if part of that cycle may not appear that way at the time. -Live the Legend /Chelsea Dinsmore

In March 2016 I was on the Go Bus heading to visit a friend when I began to have a conversation with the bus driver and he began to share his love for history museums and told me that I had to go to Chatham to a museum in Buxton, Ontario. Now I heard his voice as he spoke but I also heard the audible voice of God telling me I needed to go to Buxton to the museum there because He had something there for me. So I shared this with my husband Wayne and we decided that we would make the trip for our anniversary and take our children along so they could benefit from the experience as well.

So last year on the May 14-15 long weekend we drove to Buxton, Ontario. Now the Buxton Nation Historic Museum is situated on The Elgin Settlement, a tiny town of roughly 200 people near Chatham, was once home to one of the province’s largest historic black settlements to be developed in Canada.  We took the tour and our guide shared with us not just the information about the settlement but also many facts about slavery in Canada and the USA. My family was deeply impacted by the visit as we viewed the many artifacts of slavery that were on display. We continued this journey and decided to go and visit the museum for Uncle Tom’s Cabin which was not too far away in the town of Dresden. This was the settlement that ex slave Josiah Henson lived on and the story was loosely based upon Josiah’s life. It was a great way to spend our anniversary and a healing journey about who we are and what we have overcome as a people.

 So as we were planning our 26^th anniversary this year I had a desire to go to the newly opened African American Museum for History and Culture in Washington DC. I had watched a few interviews that shared about the making of this Museum and I had a longing to see the completed project. So we planned to make the trip but this time we would not take the children with us.

Then in March Wayne bought a Groupon to go on a two day cruise to Bahamas. His plan was for us to extend our trip and do the Museum and then drive to Florida and go on the cruise and head back home during the 4 day long weekend. As we began to plan further we realized that to be able to accomplish the trip successfully in the time that we had allotted that we would have to cancel going to Washington and do that trip another time.

As we began to look for Air plane flights to West Palm Beach the costs were more expensive than the entire cost of the trip including the Cruise.  We struggled with whether we should continue with the plans and I began to pray about why this wasn’t working out like we had planned. Wayne held off on booking the cruise date as after we did that then we would have to forfeit the tickets if we couldn’t arrive in time.

In prayer I felt God reminding me of His message to us the previous year about timing.  Every year we do a vision board and last year our vision board was covered with watches and clocks. God was speaking to us about timing. I felt that the problem with why we were unable to figure out the trip was timing. We were trying to make it happen in the timing and that was why we were having all the difficulty. I shared this with Wayne and eventually he decided that we would hold off doing the cruise till another time and we would go to Washington instead.

Now on Mother’s day at our church we had special speaker the co-founder of the church Pastor Carin came to share the message. The title of her message was Transition to Triumph. It was very powerful and spoke to my heart.  She also had a private message for me about there being no more generational disturbance.

So the following week we set out to drive to the Museum. As all Smithsonian Museums are free we didn’t realize that you need to get pre timed tickets to get into this museum. They had already had over 1 million visitors and been sold out since it opened in September 2016 of last year. They only way to get tickets is to check at 6:30am every morning to see if they have any timed released passes.

The drive to Washington was 8 hours in length and we were having a great conversation and for some reason when I looked at the clock it was Saturday morning at 7am. I got online to try to get some passes and they were sold out. We decided to check into our hotel when we arrived and then just head to the National Mall and check out the area for tomorrow and then go and have dinner.

We arrived and found a parking space while the hundreds of people were exiting the now closed Museum. We spoke to one of the security officers and he told us that sometimes they release tickets at 1pm if they have not reached their maximum capacity. We walked around for a while longer just to familiarize ourselves so we could know where to park and come the following day. We left and went to a nice little restaurant for dinner and then went back to the hotel.

The next morning we awoke early and checked online at 6:30 am to see that they had no timed passes. We were disappointed but somehow I knew that we were going to get in. So we planned to go to the museum and see if they released tickets at 1pm. We arrived after our GPS took us on a little detour and right there as we came on to Constitution Ave. was a parking space as someone was pulling out. A driver told us later that because of the Graduation commencement ceremonies that were taking place on the hill that she had been driving around to find a parking space for a full hour. We arrived at about 10:30 am and Wayne had to go to the bathroom. I told him I would meet him at the bathroom because I had to pack some snacks. After I put the snacks in the bag, I headed across the mall in the direction that Wayne set off for. I arrived at the side of the men’s bathroom and waited outside for him to come out for 15 minutes. Then I heard my name in the opposite direction and there was Wayne near the car waving me to come. I don’t know how he passed me but we had missed each other. We laughed about how that happened then decided we would head to the museum early to clarify how we could get tickets. We arrived to see a long line of people ready to enter for the 11am timeslot. Our plan was to stay in the line till we got to the front and ask when and where do they release the tickets. As we were in the line one of the ticket ushers came up to us to ask us if we had tickets as we were about to answer him a lady beside us intuitively asked if we had tickets because she wanted to give us 2 tickets as she had a few people cancel on her. As Wayne kept thanking her for her generosity she kept apologizing that they were for 12:30pm. So next we asked the usher if we had to wait and he said no we could go right in and then the line began to move and the next thing we knew we were inside the museum.

As we entered the museum Wayne kept saying “how does God do that?” he was amazed that the woman had just came up to us and handed us tickets. He also asked me how I knew we would get in. I told him that God would not bring us this far and not let us come in. I knew we were supposed to come.

So the museum was amazing, we experienced so much while we were there. I don’t want to share too much as not to ruin it for others that may visit. We received emotional and spiritual healing while we were there and we also came away with inspiration and hope for our future. The highlight for me was the creativity and excellence of the museum- it was very interactive and had special meaning for me. When you go in the elevator on the wall they show you what year you are arriving at and you literally begin to think “I am going back in time”. We traveled back into our generational lineage and healing began as we came forward in time to see the struggle and the fight and the victory. If we can begin to understand what we have overcome against all odds to rise above every adverse situation, to arrive at the place we are right now, that is powerful and life changing.

In the circular room of contemplation there is an amazing waterfall and the sound with the lights and the sayings on the walls spoke to me to take a moment and reflect and be still and listen. Here I heard that it was all about freedom. It was about freedom for the people of color, first nations, Jewish descent and every being that has every taken a breath. Gods desire was for us to understand true freedom.

So after 6 hours of exploration we exited the building and lingered with all the others that were on a similar journey as ours. Outside there were street vendor trucks and Wayne went to get himself a shawarma sandwich to eat as I sat on the wall waiting, as I wanted to wait until we went out for dinner. When he returned he gave it to me to take a bite and I told him that it was falafel and not shawarma. He returned to tell the vendor and due to the mistake he gave him the sandwich which became my dinner. This is significant because what happened next may have been different if I hadn’t eaten before hand.

So we headed back to the direction of our parked vehicle. I wanted to go to the right and Wayne was certain that the car was to the left of the Lincoln monument. So as a compromise we decided to go over the hill in the middle and see which way the car was parked. As we came over the hill there in plain view was a Tent called David’s Tent. It was a 24/7 prayer house that had been established in 2015 on Washington National Mall as the longest running outdoor event in history.  This was another surprise from God. That morning Wayne had asked me if I wanted to find a church in Washington to go to and I told him no going to the museum was our focus. But I love to worship and this is the type of music that moves me. We grabbed two seats at the back of the tent in case we needed to sneak away. As the musicians played softly the speaker on the mike shared about all the miraculous things that were happening for their YWAM base. He challenged us to embrace change and the message was exactly what we needed to hear, it was sharing and not a preach message and as we listened a couple that obviously were visitors arrived and put two chairs beside us and sat down. Then the worship music began and I couldn’t contain myself as there was a field of grass for me to dance on. I let loose dancing on Washington National mall and people began to come and take pictures and video to figure out what was happening. I was just thanking God in the one way I knew how for everything He had brought me through and brought me to. Wayne had begun talking to the gentleman that was seated next to him. After about 45 minutes he called me over and said that this couple had come all the way from UK and that God had told them to go to David’s Tent at 5pm that Sunday.  This man was a business man and his business partner from UK that had come to New York and Washington on a mission. They felt that they were to pray and prophesy over us. The words that came next were very prophetic in nature and were answers to us about our time of transition and all the questions we had been asking God while on this trip. Wayne received encouragement and instruction and even had a declaration over us which we received knowing who are called to be. We were stunned, this couple didn’t even go to this gathering, they came all the way from United Kingdom to release a message for us. It was about the generational disturbance being silenced in our lives and us being able to move forward. It was important that they be of UK descent as this is where for us the laws of slavery were established and abolished. Wayne heard from God “I am my Beloved and He is mine” to this business man. So there a was a holy exchange that occurred as Wayne obeyed.

that he was to give his ring from Israel that he has not taken off since 2008 that says

Before we left David’s Tent one of the members of the congregation brought another word of confirmation over us that we were in Transition. Oddly enough the name of the company that Wayne is presently working with is Transition. This was a clear message to us that God was trying to speak to us about where we have been and where we are going. A cycle was about to come to completion.

All the way home we marveled at the orchestration of the entire trip. We were called to go to Washington. The message of being at the right place at the right time was screaming at us. When we released our plans and chose to go His way it worked out better than we could have ever imagine. The woman that was with the gentleman kept speaking the words “ For such a time as this” which was in the original message on Mothers day Sunday by pastor Carin about Queen Esther and her purpose.  The trip, the Museum, the way we found David’s Tent all of it was God directing us. We were on a journey from transition to triumph.