The Gift of Your Faults

The Gift of Your Faults

Rise up oh daughter of mine

Bow your head low no more

For you have been strengthened from the inside out

And the ceiling has become your floor

Look now at your chosen pathway

The journey you have been on

See the sum of all your mistakes

The miscalculations of all you have done

Know that I will not erase even one!

For this is the gift of your faults

The gift of adversity, tenacity, perseverance and patience with many tries

Wrapped in a package of plain brown paper that you simply did not recognize

So, you ran, resisted, cried out for Me to come and save you

Unaware that this was Me answering with what you need to be the brave you

The mind being released from the thoughts that enslaved you

The flesh dying to the evil that craves you

This is the gift of your faults

For within creation there exists a sweet tension that keeps it all in place

So too there is within you, the wrestle you must face

The gift of a treasure yet still not embraced

The gift of your faults is not a mistake!

Lessons learned, evil spurned, flesh burned, treasures yearned, jury adjourned, intent discerned, fear overturned, victories earned,  no more concern, you have returned.

This is the gift of your faults

So, as you continue remove the lenses that call a thing good or bad

If you surrender it all to me it becomes good in the end

This is the gift of your faults

For with true authenticity

In humble vulnerability

The passion of your intensity

All the parts of you a wanted necessity

Just always take responsibility

For every failed opportunity

To increase your capacity

Of growth in human personality

spiritual identity and God given destiny

This will be the gift of your faults

Charmaine  Hinds December 2018

  

Why Try?

Why Try?

The pain of the past keeps haunting me in my dreams and anxiety creeps into places unseen  The same mistakes keep happening though I have tried to change a thousand times

Why do I keep saying I am sorry…

Why do I keep seeing someone I am not, inauthentic, not the real me, the being created through the mask

Try again, start again, not again around the circle we go like a merry go round 

Seeing the same faces as we past the same markers once again, dizzy I want to get off, jump off but the rides not done yet. Paid for the ticket and so I spin.

Tired, just tired of the same ole same old.  

But the song says “a change is gonna come” Sam tell me when, I need to know when will it happen? If not today then when?  

This body can’t sustain this spirit that has been held back, beat down, and ready to emerge

So onward I surge, looking for my soul tribe that understands that I am more… than mortal flesh

One with the light within I shine on, lighter when the darkness overtakes the day

Feel the waves as I hold my head above water to breathe

You are there with me and so one more try, as I take baby steps forward 

Wobbly, I try to stand in the truth of your words and the facts of the mistakes

Again, I repent and make Teshuva

No one understands that the trauma of youth has covered and hidden the potential of a bright tomorrow

This dark cloud must go, calling on the wind to blow, blow over, for all flesh must die

And left in the flames of fire is just the truth and I   

The pain of the past keeps haunting me in my dreams and anxiety is creeping into places unseen. The same mistakes keep happening, though I have tried a thousand times.

Charmaine Hinds November 5, 2018