Tale of two marriages- "till death do us part"

I literally heard the story of two marriages and the death of two husbands in two days.

I encountered an old acquaintance that I knew long ago in a church I used to attend. She quickly told me the story of how her husband had just died. In the process of her sharing she asked me if I had known they were divorced as if she felt everyone somehow knew this information. Considering I hadn’t seen or spoke to her for over 16 years I found this question/statement a bit odd. As she told me the story of the breakdown and demise of her marriage with this man I once knew, in truth I have to say I was silent and could only listen. She then shared how he had moved away to another city away from his family and that he had a heart attack in his small apartment all alone and after no one had heard from him for a few days- she had gone to his apartment and found him dead. She had a funeral for him the previous week and as she communicated this sad story to me I could feel and sense the regret and sorrow she was experiencing over the path and outcome of her marriage to this man during her season of grief. She told me that if they had still been together that he would have never died like that- alone and forgotten.

Then I attended a funeral the next day of a good friends father. I listened intently as this man's daughter did the most amazing eulogy with her 5 adult siblings lovingly standing beside her for moral support. Then as the service portion was closing the wife of the man that had passed away from a weakened heart condition shared the following words that I will never forget.

She shared her beautiful relationship with this man and why she was at such peace during all that had happened. She said that she had cared for her husband during the seven months of his palliative care at home with every last bit of love that she had to give to him. She gave him her everything during her last few months with him.
She said she had to do everything for him and it was as if he had gone from being her husband taking care of her to being like her child. She shared as everyone listening laughed out loud about how she had reassured him that when she had to leave him even for 15 minutes to go to the store that she wasn’t thinking about anyone else but him. Her heart was still fully his.
She did not seem resentful about having to do this in any way but quite the opposite, on her beautiful regal face there was a serene sense of peace and joy.
This man had his last days spent with what he treasured the most his family, they were all present when he took his last breath. He was surrounded with the treasures that he had invested in with all his life and they held him as he left this world and crossed over happily into eternity.
This marriage story made me cry and made my heart smile.

When I was pondering these two stories I was watching a Facebook post from a friend as he proposed to his girlfriend and future wife and it dawned on me the significance of these two tales of two marriages.

The investment to share your life with another is not just in the good times. Most wedding vows say something like “till death do us part”. This is a spiritual understanding that says that nothing but death can separate us. Marriage is forever. In a world and time where we have disposable promises and vows can easily be broken. Where honor and respect and love rarely ever intertwine, the covenant of marriage should result in the statement this woman that had been married to her best friend for so many years said, "I poured out all the love I had for him on him and in the end there was nothing more to give". She gave it all.

Wow! In an age where many men don’t honor or love their wives when they aren’t meeting their needs and some women are exerting their rights to be independent. When the fiber of marriage is being torn apart by the unraveling of a single interwoven thread, I received a message of “ till death do us part”.

I heard the message loud and clear and having gone through my share of difficulties in my own marriage through the 29 years, I renewed in my heart to love the man I made a covenant with 3 times ( we have renewed our vows twice) "till death us do part" no matter what the circumstance or situation. And most important to pour out all the love I have for him so in the end I can say "It is well with my soul"

If this story has impacted you like it impacted me then take a moment and pray for two marriages

today.

Black and Loud!

This is for the ones that say black people are so loud, they are vulgar, angry, aggressive, demanding and uncivilized. Why wont they assimilate and become more like us.

I am black and loud

Loud and proud

Yes, I have always been so emotional

Cause my cup ain’t  half empty, it’s a cup that’s full

A woman they say should remain silent

Yes massah, no massah your voice is not your own

Make sure you have permission to talk

Time to speak up- to speak the truth, your truth

Your history, your victory, your message

I be livin loud, livin large

I don’t whisper when I talk

I say it hard

 I don’t say it soft

If your dreams and tomorrow had been suppressed

If you had been cursed and found out you was blessed   

When you finally opened your mouth

I’m sure a scream would come out

The monster you made from an experiment gone bad

Now you wonder why we be so mad

You thought we’d stay broken, downcast and sad

Do I embarrass you with my shout from across the room

Why does what I do reflect back to you?

My laugh so out loud that it makes you uncomfortable

Seeing my sound makes you feel so vulnerable

The intensity of the energy I bring, into your life, into everything

My spirit is strong, rising up from where I belong

But wait, hold up …ain’t you black too?

You ask again, is that anger you hear when I speak?

Chile, maybe just the release of the warrior in me

No need to be in fear

My words are my weapon, lets make it clear

I have made the choice for you to hear my voice

My grammar ain’t off, my intellect intact

I know what I am doing, this be my method for fighting back

In the Silence much has happened, I have seen with my eyes

And the words within me lets out a cry

Saying here am I

Can you see me, feel me, my presence is undeniable

And what has been done has made you liable

My soul has been incarcerated for far too long

Tired of trying to prove I belong

I am created by the same Creator

They hate us because we are so loud

They love us because we are so proud

Loud and proud

Proud to be created with passion, fire, and courage  

Our voice makes a difference in the pilgrimage

As we state our case before the only Judge  

The stereotype made real

 Rappers, spoken word, singers, debaters, word creators

We are the original media masters, using our words so the message is loud

Don’t you love our sound? Vibrations trickling down

The drumbeat, the heartbeat this is our song

Am I disturbing your peace?

Just by being me

Or is that I am unafraid to say what’s on my mind

Seemingly unaware of the place or time

Allowing words to vibrate and ripple throughout the atmosphere

Without hesitation, without fear

I may look like just another angry black woman to you

 But this ain’t  true

Cause I choose to refuse to let myself remain abused

What you hear in my voice is my ancestors echoing what I say

So God can hear his child when she pray

Its time for a change

Amen! Hallelujah! Praise the Lord!

The words come from within and my brain forgets about etiquette,

The right spoon to use or correct place to sit

My mother’s tongue has created a sound

Resounding in my ears and coming to my mouth

I can’t hold it back so I release it out

Hear when I say I am black and loud

I am loud and proud!

Wooo!  WOW

Why Try?

Why Try?

The pain of the past keeps haunting me in my dreams and anxiety creeps into places unseen  The same mistakes keep happening though I have tried to change a thousand times

Why do I keep saying I am sorry…

Why do I keep seeing someone I am not, inauthentic, not the real me, the being created through the mask

Try again, start again, not again around the circle we go like a merry go round 

Seeing the same faces as we past the same markers once again, dizzy I want to get off, jump off but the rides not done yet. Paid for the ticket and so I spin.

Tired, just tired of the same ole same old.  

But the song says “a change is gonna come” Sam tell me when, I need to know when will it happen? If not today then when?  

This body can’t sustain this spirit that has been held back, beat down, and ready to emerge

So onward I surge, looking for my soul tribe that understands that I am more… than mortal flesh

One with the light within I shine on, lighter when the darkness overtakes the day

Feel the waves as I hold my head above water to breathe

You are there with me and so one more try, as I take baby steps forward 

Wobbly, I try to stand in the truth of your words and the facts of the mistakes

Again, I repent and make Teshuva

No one understands that the trauma of youth has covered and hidden the potential of a bright tomorrow

This dark cloud must go, calling on the wind to blow, blow over, for all flesh must die

And left in the flames of fire is just the truth and I   

The pain of the past keeps haunting me in my dreams and anxiety is creeping into places unseen. The same mistakes keep happening, though I have tried a thousand times.

Charmaine Hinds November 5, 2018